October Wrap-Up
In October I take my first breath. The feeling rolling through me, like the drumming of war, or wind in white sails. Being this hungry for more is tearing me in two, the weight so heavy in my throat I could choke on it, I haven't felt more myself in years. I think, my wanting could kill me, if I let it.
So I stand in the window of my mothers kitchen, listening to October whispering sweetness in my ear. Saying it's beginning again, the fervor you let swelter in summer, the piece of yourself you sowed in spring. What has been lost, I find in October. I was born in June, but now I take my first breath.
“24” by Aleksiah
Being in my 20s has been an endless cycle of doubt and failed belief systems. One second I’m terrified that I’ve expired, and the next I'm filled with a desperate sort of hope that next year will be my year. In “24” Aleksiah tells a painfully similar and relatable story, the narrative unfolding in your lap through a dancey and addictive instrumental complete with retro synths and drums. Listening had me trying to pinpoint the moment I lost my warmth and turned into someone so jaded and wary, but maybe it was more of a series of little hurts that led me to where I’m at. This song finds the sweet spot between sanguine and submission, needed so badly to be better but not allowing yourself to want it enough to be let down again and again. At 24, I have yet to figure it out, but maybe 25 will be my year.
‘Hahaha’ by Stevie Bill
This track sounds like the summation of fall. It's effervescent, airy, biting. It's mulling over your doubt like hot wine, sifting through your fears like red and brown leaves. ”Hahaha” was my introduction to Stevie Bill as an artist, and her discography has since truly captivated me. There's something infinitely pleasing about caustic stories being told through such luminous and fluttering vocals. It's so bittersweet, the dawning that the person you had built up in your mind never existed.
‘Girls That Play’ by Etta Marcus
‘Girls that play’ is an anthemic ode to girlhood, that sort of joy that's bigger than your body, a life lived beyond the grasp of death and strife. The shouted chorus begging you to yell along with it, windows down, feeling nothing less than invincible. The sang-spoken bridge is reminiscent of all the best 80s girl groups, ringing true to the star-bound feeling of being up to no good with your best friends. Those moments when you feel you might be the coolest people in the room, or the entire world, like insecurity or doubt couldn't touch you if they tried.
‘Let the Light In’ by Juliana Madrid
A short but cataclysmic ending to a truly wonderful record from Juliana Madrid, ‘Let the Light In’ is transcendent. Complete with a chorus of horns and stadium worthy drums, this track takes me to a place of well, blinding and all-consuming light.
‘Sinking Boat’ by Infinity Song
This is genuinely the most delicious song I have heard in so long. Listening is like being thrown into an alternate world of pastels so soft they’re eerie, looming 60s dissonance, an abyssal sea of blue and green. The vocal layering holds such a perfect tension I haven't felt in music since I was singing Latin hymns in my classical training, the lilting guitar and rolling drums dreaming up a misty seascape headed by the quartet's vocals. “Sinking Boat” is the soundtrack to your favorite 80s offbeat horror film, haint blue porches and the smell of a candle just blown out by the wind.
‘Dead Weight’ by Ella Jane
There is something almost comical about being such a lover, but refusing to let yourself be loved, and “Dead Weight” by Ella Jane kinda hits the nail on the head. Sonically, this song exists in a time capsule of stadium rock guitar and what I’d describe as roller-rink appropriate vocals, and perfectly encapsulates the awe-inducing feeling of realizing you aren’t hard to love. My whole life I have felt the need to sell people on the idea of my existence, to soften the blow with sweet words and softer versions of myself. This song has served as a reminder that when you find something good, let yourself have it.